Never Marry Someone Only Because Of These

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Yes, love crosses no boundaries. No one is allowed to question your decision to have a beautiful life with your significant other. That is regardless if you want to settle down and get married. However, there are things that you must consider. Not only does marriage is a commitment, but it is also something that gets built over time. So if you want to be in a situation where you think it will make you happy, then go for it. But if you are only concern about this stuff below, then you might want to reconsider the idea of marriage.

Parents’ Choice

Marrying someone because of parents’ choice is something you should never consider. Yes, there are still a lot of cases in other countries and religions that support the practice. But if you want to have the happiness you always dreamed of, never marry someone that your parents chose for you. Take note that it will not only create tons of future complications. There might also be a chance that the marriage will turn you into someone you are not supposed to become.

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Money

Money should ALWAYS have to be out of the picture when it comes to marriage. Unfortunately, a lot of people are engaging in the practice of marrying someone rich, even though there is no romantic attachment at all. Some individuals value possession more than their life-long happiness, and we somehow cannot blame them. But if you appear to be on the exact situation, consider evaluating things first for the sake of your emotional and psychological health. Never allow money to ruin your future happiness because it is not going to be worth it.

Blackmail

No matter what the circumstance is, never marry someone who controls your decisions through blackmail. That person is so evil that he or she will never love you, unconditionally. When you allow yourself to get caught up in a situation where an individual is forcing marriage, then by all means never to do it. Chances are when you marry someone just because you get blackmailed; you will never quickly get out of the situation. You will get trapped in a marriage that only controls and never considers.

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Revenge

Of course, you know that vengeance is never an ultimatum reason for marriage. No one does that. No person desire to prolong the agony of their miserable life only to get revenge. However, there are exceptions. Some people chose to get married because they want others to suffer the way they did. But if you are in that condition, might as well pass. It will never create something useful and often ends terribly. So when you try and incorporate marriage to vengeance, all things turn out negatively.

Marrying someone is something you should do with full of determination and considerations. It is not something you only thought you could do just because you can. Learn to value commitment and marriage, because that is the only way you can appreciate your worth.

Marriage: Definitely Not A Walk In A Park

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Marriage is more than just a ceremony. It is a relationship built on trust, love and a little bit of everything that makes up who you are.

Marriages work when two people are willing and want to choose each other over and over again no matter what. “The truth is that mature love is developed through daily feeding of the marriage and devotion to the relationship, which provide the oxygen that allows partners to survive and thrive in the vicissitudes of life,” explained by Stan Tatkin Psy.D.

As a married woman, I never thought that marriage is far more difficult than having a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of relationship.

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Damaging Marital Issues You Often Ignore

When it comes to marriage, a lot of people think that significant issues are the only ones that need attention. However, when you ask most married couples, they will tell you the opposite. The truth is, the majority of individuals believe that one impactful mistake will never become equivalent to hundreds of small ones. The latter gets often ignore because some of them are just not worth to become a big deal. But contrary to that ideology, people do not understand that most marital issues often come from small and seemingly unworthy things that grew multiples times day by day. Still, no one cares to pay attention.

Andrea F. Polard Psy.D. says that you have to open your eyes and make every day life magical, while you can. “Pay attention to your partner in the first ten minutes after you wake up as well as when you reunite later in the day. Smile at your partner for a few seconds longer. Ask how he feels. Tell him how much you love him. Listen carefully. Kiss and embrace him. You might be surprised, but this is a scientifically proven way to turn things around dramatically.”

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Both Are Always Busy

When it comes to marriage, spending time with each other is the most valuable thing. But with all the necessity of doing a lot of things in the house, and trying to juggle work and social connection, getting busy becomes an excuse. Couples become unaware of losing each other in the process of trying to keep themselves with loaded activities. As a result, couples drift apart from one another without knowing why. In some unfortunate cases, couples become confused about their feelings, and their commitments appear to get affected as well. Yes, no one look at the matter as an essential factor that needs development, not until it is all too late.

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Underestimating Hurtful Words

You see in marriage; there are instances that couples will engage in an intense level of argument. With that, one or both could inevitably express anger towards each other and might spit out some unnecessary hurtful words. Honestly, it is typically one of the usual things that happen every day for most married individuals’ household. But the problem of not addressing and tolerating the habit is the buildup of emotional and mental complication. As you can notice, hurtful words appear to be verbal abuse. But since most couples do not want to emphasize on that, they tend to ignore the habit. It is as a typical marital way that people can get used to no matter what.

“In a committed relationship, intimate communication often means revealing something about our own feelings that you’d ordinarily not reveal. It’s about taking a chance. Stepping out onto thin ice. And trusting that the other person won’t let you fall through,” as said by Dr. Stephen Snyder, sex and relationship therapist.

Not Helping Each Other

One of the fundamentals of marriage is helping each other out. No matter what the situation is, and regardless of how small and big the assistance would be, it is vital in the relationship. Unfortunately, lots of people put too much pressure on what both man and woman should do for each other. There is this identification of limits and responsibilities that somehow take the couples’ perspective negatively.
An example is when a woman works for the family, while a man takes care of the house. Society doesn’t seem to approve this; that is why it becomes an issue. Since there is this segregation of what is in for whom and what is not, there becomes an imbalance.

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Regardless of how people should look at things, couples must understand one thing. There is nothing more fulfilling than being there for someone you love. So instead of ignoring things, try becoming more sensitive enough in understanding what might cause probable marital issues. “Problems are always going to happen, just as life does. Knowing you can face them together keeps a relationship strong and healthy.” said by Alicia H. Clark, PsyD.

Saying Goodbye To Divorce Forever: How To Make It Happen

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With the availability of the remedy of divorce in the United States, it becomes convenient for some married couples just to call it quits. Some husbands and wives have chosen to part ways because of so many problems that they encounter during the union. What if they children? “Parents need to know that divorce always affects children because of the disruption in their life. Some children may fare better than others – others may not. Parents can expect a full range of emotions from spitefulness, uncooperativeness, feelings of depression, being withdrawn or combination of all the above,” says Katherine Sellwood, PsyD. Aside from this issue, there are others that can fuel the fire.

Some of the common issues involve financial problems, acts of infidelity and different opinions in some matters. Even my spouse and I have also considered on ending our marital union due to some irreconcilable differences. However, we did not give in and chose to fight for the relationship.

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Depression Is Killing Me But My Husband Don’t Understand

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For over my ten years in a relationship with my husband, I am pretty sure we already experienced so many ups and downs. The truth is, I cannot even think of one particular case because everything in my head always leads me into a couple of unwanted stuff. So instead of overthinking and trying to torture my mental health, I preferably choose not to worry about those. As Alicia H. Clark, PsyD said, “Try not to fight your anxiety.”But lately, I have this emotional battle that I am not sure where the hell comes from. I am confident that I am at my best emotional state. However, my mind tells me a different story.

I Reached Out, But No One Answers

According to Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., “The further you move away from experiencing your emotions, the more distant you become from others, as well as from yourself.” The thing with my emotional strength, I have this confidence to tell people what are the emotions I have at the moment. The particular practice allows me to have the edge over others who cannot seem to put into words their emotional turmoil. With that said, since I am having a different kind of feelings that I cannot seem to explain, I told my husband about it. In my surprise, talk therapy did not work. I felt so devastated that I thought something is wrong in the way I delivered my emotional concern. I thought maybe the details are not precise, or perhaps some of them are not worthy of becoming an issue. I was as confused as to what I should be thinking about that moment. Did I tell my husband nonsense stuff? Are my emotional crisis doesn’t mean anything at all? Am I overreacting or only trying to grab some “I-don’t-really-need” attention? Those are the things I asked myself because I thought it was about me. Later, I figured out that it was my husband’s ignorance of my mental illness.

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Unfortunately, my beloved husband does not understand the mental condition I struggle to have. He assumed that I only needed some rest and lots of sleep to become better. Well, I honestly listened to his advice and made myself a list of self-care tips. However, what I entirely needed that time is his full understanding and attention of the symptoms of my depression. I want him to know that I needed someone to be there for me because I was having a problem of knowing what is wrong. Unfortunately, I only receive a little amount of emotional and mental support from him. My husband thought that all of the things I was going through are something that can cure itself over an extended period. Boy, he was so wrong.

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Presently

I understand that I can never push someone to understand my emotional and mental health battle because not all people know how to react. I do not blame my husband for being ignorant of the situation because he never intends to disregard my emotional and psychological crisis. He is only unaware of the things I am having, and I can consider an exemption for that. My depression is now both our battles, and I am thankful that he chooses to stay and fight it with me. As what Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. stated, “there are precious few guarantees in life. It’s almost always a matter of probabilities.”

Marriage 101: Silent Treatment Prolongs The Agony

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In a marital relationship, there is always this thing we call small but deadly couple’s argument. It includes a list of issues that practically does not have a solution at all. In most cases, these problems only originate because of exaggeration and overthinking. There are times that it is not even a big deal and not entirely worth the fight. However, given the circumstances, some couples often make sure they react in the situation based on their emotional and mental preference. With that, the silent treatment becomes an option.

Silent treatment or stonewalling is when the “listener withdraws from an interaction, refusing to participate or engage, essentially becoming unresponsive,” explains Dr. John Gottman, world-renowned psychological researcher.

It Is Never Helpful

The misconception about silent treatment is that most couples believe that it somehow resolves a marital argument. Yes, there are cases that the behavior gets required to control the tension both sides may have. However, there are inconsistencies. Because the longer it appears present in the situation, the more it becomes a routine. Since the silent treatment does not support communication, then there is a tendency that both couples will not be able to manage a quality conversation. They will only prolong the agony of too much anxiety and stress. Honestly, silent treatment only works in a situation where one of the couples is engaged in a particular issue. One can use it to control the situation and allow air to flow. However, when both are into ignoring each other, then the habit becomes emotionally and mentally damaging. Kipling Williams, PsyD, who has studied ostracism for twenty years, explains, “Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realise the emotional or physical harm that is being done.

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It Does Not Support A Strong Relationship

With all the minor and major problems that married couples have inside their home, we all can agree that silent treatment should never have to be an option. It does not support a healthy relationship because there is no basis for its existence. Well, some may identify its importance in a stressful situation. But it does not guarantee any resolution to the problem because it hinders communication and self-expression. Therefore, silent treatment not only makes things worse, but it also becomes one of the sources of having more complicated miscommunication and misunderstanding. “It’s the most common pattern of conflict in marriage or any committed, established romantic relationship,” says Paul Schrodt, PhD.

It Is Incomparable To One’s Patience

The thing about silent treatment is it gets misidentified as a person’s patience towards an issue. Meaning, when one of the married couples chooses to stay and execute the habit, some people see it as the practice of patience. But the truth is, it is not at all something like that. The silent treatment is a behavior one chooses to do with someone only to hurt his or her significant other’s feelings. It is something that builds up resentment towards the other half. Therefore, it does support not only emotional instability but also promotes mental torture as well.

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So in case you have the habit of always giving your spouse or significant other a hard time in communication, you might want to reconsider things. Instead of mastering the art of silent treatment, why not practice better ways of self-expression? Sit together and talk. It will not only resolve small indifferences, but it also creates a much more meaningful marital relationship.