Save The Marriage, Save The Family

 

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One must invest in time and effort for a marriage to grow and glow. Between household responsibilities, kids, work commitments, and other important schedules, often it is quite difficult to protect that relationship. When trials come, some couples contemplate divorce because they think it’s healthier and more convenient.

However, other couples stay and strive to save the relationship. Which couple are you? Do you find it better to go on separate ways or would you like to save the marriage in order to save your family? If you think you and your spouse have the slightest chance of making it right again, read these proven tips on how to improve your marriage and save your family in the long run.

Respect and honor your spouse

People do change, and that doesn’t exclude your partner. Admiring, accepting, and adapting to these changes is essential in any kind of relationship. You can do this by initially writing a list of your partner’s good features so that you will remember the beautiful human being that you fell in love with and married. This will also help you express your appreciation for your partner’s distinct personalities – those that made you fall for him in the first place. Show him this appreciation by saying thank you. Compliments are also a great way to let him know that you admire him for what he does.

Always communicate

Despite the many distractions that might keep you from keeping in touch with your spouse – smartphones, online jobs, and Netflix, you must find time to talk to your spouse face to face. Open communication about how your day went, your happy and not-so-good moments, your failures, and your successes of the day is crucial in building intimacy and love in the marriage.

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Make a commitment

Contemplating the thought of getting out of the marriage for your sake could place major stress on the relationship, no matter how hard not to say it aloud. Just thinking about it results in a break of your determination to make the marriage work. To avoid this, you must make a commitment to do whatever you can to save your marriage and consequently keep the family intact. Vow to not make divorce an easy option.

Talk about your finances

A lot of marriages are destroyed by misunderstandings about money. Partners frequently have various expectations about their finances. One finds it hard to visualize someone else’s financial plan from his perspective. When you talk about money issues and how finances should be dealt with, you are reducing a tremendous amount of stress from your marriage. Talk about budget, strategies regarding debt, and your plans to live within your means. It’s also vital to talk about your wants and needs and to be able to differentiate between the two. This way, you and your spouse do not need to argue over what you consider important for the family.

Have time apart from each other

Probably one of the toughest things to juggle in a marriage is how much time to spend with each other. If you spend too many hours or days of the week together, you might feel choked and unhappy. If you spend too little time, on the other hand, your spouse might think that you’re irresponsible and passive.

If your spouse asks for time with her friends or for herself, try to give her that as considerably as you can. In fact, you can even offer to watch the kids or do the chores for the day. On the contrary, also make sure that you two spend quality time together. Your dates don’t need to be costly. You can cook at home and have some wine on the patio if the kids need babysitting. What’s important is you have time to be with each other and feel each other’s respect, love, and affection.

Don’t hold grudges

Marriages are often ruined when one is not bent on forgiving. Studies have revealed that feeling angry and resentful toward your spouse almost always embitters and may result in divorce if the situation continues for a prolonged period.

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Try as best you can to forgive your spouse. Don’t take too long to give it because forgiveness is a gift to yourself as it is for the person you are forgiving. Holding grudges increases your stress and certainly affects your health negatively. If you have made a mistake, apologize and ask for forgiveness sincerely. Listen and understand your spouse and commit not to do the same mistake again in the future.

Seek counseling

If despite your efforts at trying to save your marriage, the relationship remains at risk and almost broken, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. When you and your partner can’t seem to figure out what’s wrong, a mediator that is professional and experienced can often be the last and only resort. Who knows, after a few talks and discussions, you’ll both realize that you are not ready to give up on the marriage after all.

 

 

Mental Health 101: Getting Over Insecurities After Divorce

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Before I got married, I had been told to find Mr. Nice Guy, not Mr. Handsome or Mr. Sexy Abs. The reason was that nice men were not supposed to cheat. They were often contented with their lives and did not want to ruin whatever good they had going. When Eddie came along, I thought that I hit the jackpot and agreed to marry him after a year of dating.

When we exchanged “I do’s,” we decided that I would leave my job to start building our family. Money was the least of our worries, considering Eddie had an online gaming business. Even if we had a dozen kids, it would still be okay. Or so I thought. 

Realizations

I realized something was off when Eddie started coming home late later than usual. His excuse was that he was meeting new clients and developers over dinner. I would have believed it if it happened once or twice a week. However, its frequency increased, to the point that even the kids were already wondering where Dada was.

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So, one day, I thought of dropping by at the restaurant where Eddie was supposed to meet so-called clients. We shared our Google calendars, so it was easy to find its location. But when I got there, the maître d’ said there was no table reservation under his name or company. 

Want to know where I found my husband? Inside his office, fooling around with his new secretary. 

I wanted to barge in the room for a split second and smack whoever I could reach first. But then, I decided to go in there as calmly as I could. When Eddie saw me, he could not hide the truth from me anymore.

Confrontations

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I asked Eddie, “Why did you do it?”

He said, “I swear I didn’t mean to, honey. Tanya’s just always here, and she’s very sexy. You, on the other hand, well, you seem to have forgotten to take care of yourself. I mean, look at yourself now.”

The nerve of this man! Eddie’s hitting all the sore spots in my utterly low self-confidence. He knew how hard I was trying to get back in shape after baby #3. He knew how much I cried when I realized that I no longer fit in my size-4 clothes. Whenever I asked my husband if he still loved me despite all that, he immediately said yes. Little did I know, Eddie was merely answering like a robot to avoid hurting my feelings.

However, what he did this time was beyond that. He broke my trust and talked matter-of-factly as if his actions were justifiable. The arrangement that Eddie wanted was more absurd than that. He said, “I’ll only see Tanya during office hours, and I’ll be the perfect husband for you at home.”

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Keeping a cool head, I told my husband, “I have a better idea. I’ll file for divorce first thing in the morning and get 40% of your company (as stipulated in our agreement before marriage). Then, you can see our kids on weekends. You’ll be free to do whatever you want with your slutty secretary.”

Of course, Eddie didn’t want any of that, especially not the 40% part of the company going to me. But he also knew that I would not back down and that my family and his parents would back me up, so he gave in. On the same night, our kids and I moved to the house that I bought before getting married.

Licking Old Wounds

I would be a fool not to admit that my husband’s infidelity did not affect my mental health. Not only did Eddie pick a woman who’s my exact opposite, but he also pointed out my flaws aloud. I had been honest to him regarding my insecurities since we were a couple; I didn’t know he would be THAT insensitive and throw it all back to me.

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Luckily, I got real friends who were willing to help me get over my insecurities after divorce. They brought me to the gym for an hour every day while my parents babysat for my children. Our initial goal was for me to have a revenge body so that Eddie would realize what he lost. But the more I saw the positive results, the more I geared towards improving my body for myself.

It was too early for me to think of finding a new man, but I allowed my friends to drag me to a bar at least once a week. They gave me a makeover, and for the first time after having kids, I felt like my old self again. Even my eldest child commented, “Mama, you’re so pretty.”

In The End

My divorce was merely finalized last week. As my friends expected, Eddie started acting nice to me again and trying to win me back when he saw me lose weight. However, I already knew better than to take him back.