Habits That Builds A Strong Marriage

Marriage is not always cheesy and happy all the time. Mostly, it is all about stress, anxiety, toxicity, exhaustion, and agitation. There are a lot of factors that mostly ruin it instead of making it healthy. It’s okay because that’s part of life and it’s all in the whole package of every romantic relationship. However, it doesn’t have to become an excuse for not trying to make everything work. Romance and relationships consist of elements and foundations that ensure their success. Though each situation is typically unique, there are still some things that couples can do to maintain a healthy marriage.

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How To Handle Anxiety And Stress In Your Married Life

There are so many things that every married couple needs to understand when it comes to managing their relationship. One of the most common issues that a husband and wife encounter is having anxiety or stress caused by too many expectations for each other. Most of the time, one party wants something that the other party cannot provide immediately. There are also times when they would feel too much pressure from the people surrounding them.

 

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Unfortunately, all these things can make a person wonder about staying in a marriage. If you are one of these individuals, then make sure to read this article before thinking of getting a divorce or legal separation. The first lesson that you have to remember is that married life is not going to be easy, but as long as you are with the right person, it is worth fighting for. Do not easily give up just because things are not happening the way you want them to be. Keep in mind that there are tons of ways on how you can improve your marriage. (One such way is this – “Once a week or so, ask your partner, ‘Is there anything I’ve done lately that’s caused distance between us?'” says Susan Campbell, Ph.D. Are you humble enough to ask that to your spouse and rekindle your relationship?)

 

In this article, we are going to share some tips and tricks on how you can make an effort to handle anxiety and stress in your marriage. Make sure to familiarize yourself with these:

 

Think Of The Other Person

 

Before you do anything or say something, it is best to always think of what the other person might feel. You have to remind yourself that your spouse deserves love and affection at all times. Do not commit an act or say a word that can potentially hurt him. Otherwise, you may only give him reason to be distant from you. Whenever there are stressors in your marriage, be sure to discuss it with him so that he can also provide some strategies on how you can handle it together.

 

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Go On Dates

 

Just because you are already married does not mean that you can just stay on the couch and be too comfortable. Sometimes, you have to make efforts to go on dates even without an occasion to celebrate. Have fun with your partner so that you can relax from whatever is making any of you feel anxious. Do not hesitate to take a break from work or business for the sole purpose of spending memorable and quality time with the person you love. The more you do this, the easier it would be for both of you to solve your issues. “Dating can be extremely beneficial toward keeping romance alive, and making a practice of going on regular dates can be a great way to jump-start that habit,” says Denise Limongello, a licensed psychotherapist in Manhattan.

 

Let Go Of The Small Stuff

 

There will be a lot of times when you would have an argument with your spouse about something. During these moments, you may feel that it is crucial to assert your opinion or comment. While this may be a good thing, it can also cause some rift between you and your partner. As such, it is best to learn to let go of the small stuff. Do not stress yourself in forcing your husband to agree with you. Take note that it does not matter who wins in the argument or misunderstanding. What is essential is that you never lose sight of the significance of respecting each other’s views and that you remain loving with one another.

 

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Build Communication Lines

 

Whenever something is wrong in the relationship, the best thing to do is to talk to your partner about it. Do not ignore his presence nor avoid any form of conversation with him. Otherwise, you may end up growing apart from each other. Because of this, it is highly recommended to focus on building communication lines with the other person. If possible, always initiate the talking and avoid nagging so that he will feel the importance of having a conversation. When it comes to the talk, it is always best to choose your words to ensure that you will not say anything offensive. “Most coffee shops are set up to facilitate intimate conversation, which is just what you want on a date,” says Esther Boykin, licensed marriage and family therapist.

 

Staying in a relationship is a choice that you have to make every single day. Do not give up on your marriage because it is not the answer to your problems. Sometimes, all you need to do is to face the challenges together. Take note that as long as you have each other, there is nothing in this world that you cannot accomplish.

 

Stop Overlooking These Marital Issues

When problems start to take over a marital relationship, sometimes they are not even that obvious. Or at least not a big deal as you thought it would be. However, there are subtle signs that may let you believe that things are not the way it used to be. Therefore, before you end up signing a divorce paper that could ruin your family in the future, please stop overlooking these marriage issues. “We can begin to see our spouses as an extension of ourselves—an extension that parks in the wrong spots, picks the wrong shirts on date night, and always leaves a mess for us to clean up,” says Alisa Ruby Bash, Malibu-based licensed marriage therapist.

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The “Us” To “I”

Before you and your partner even start a union, you have this mentality of handling things together. You are in the “us” mindset because you want both of you to become part of each other’s decision making. There’s cooperation, both of you value suggestions, you work on your schedules, so everything seems perfectly fine. But over time, there are moments that each or both of you want the “I” portion of the relationship. So if the collective mindset automatically switched to that perception, that’s a sure sign that your marriage is experiencing trouble.

“When you are in denial about your part in the relationship, then you are no better than a child flinging sand at another child in a sandbox. When you take responsibility for your part in the marriage, only then will you be able to connect with your partner in a mature, intimate way.”Carin Goldstein, LMFT

The “What If”

It’s not bad to reflect on the things in your life and imagine how everything would turn out if decisions weren’t made correctly. However, contemplating too much and constantly asking yourself what life would be without a husband or wife is a sign that one of you may be regretting the marriage. Happily married couples consider their spouses as someone that needs to be in their life forever. So if you or your partner feel the need to ask tons of “what ifs,” then presumably something is not quite right.

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The Scores

Marriage is a commitment of two individuals who promise to work things together. However, if the scores matter, then something is eating up the relationship. If you or your spouse is keeping tabs of who does what and who doesn’t, then it’s a sign that the relationship is falling apart. No healthy marriage questions his or her partner on how much effort he or she needs to invest in creating a happy ever after. If there’s a tally of who the better spouse is, then there’s a convincing truth that both of you shouldn’t be together. Marriage requires teamwork, so if it begins to create a rivalry, then stop doing it.

Inappropriate Comparison

There is clear trouble in the relationship when either one of you starts to compare one with others. It becomes a big deal because you or your partner will find it hard to focus on the good qualities of one another. Both of you will be more likely to always complain about the other one’s incapability. Instead of encouragement and motivation, you begin to find faults at each other. You then start to wish your partner to be more like somebody else and vice versa. One or both of you want the other to change and become someone they are not.

Not The Go-To Person Anymore

A marriage that contains underlying issues becomes apparent when your spouse stops being your go-to person and vice versa. In a healthy relationship, it’s normal to first go to your partner whenever you are experiencing something. It could be a rant you want to vent out, daily stories you want to share, or decisions you want to make.  There’s an emotional feeling of wanting to secure a better judgment from your partner that makes you listen and feel comfortable. However, if one or both of you start seeking other person’s attention, then there’s a problem. It’s perhaps you lack communication, and you ignore the importance of honesty, openness, and a good conversation. “When you assume that you know what your partner is thinking or what he wants, you aren’t communicating,” according to psychotherapist Jeffrey S. Kaye on his website.

Living Lives Separately

A sign that you and your partner are not happy in marriage anymore is when you start living lives separately. Though it’s typically normal for married couples to have personal time with their friends and family, the situation raises issues. That’s especially when there’s too much spent time with other people than with each other. If the individual lives take over the marriage, then the relationship is not in a healthy place anymore. There are times that you might have to fake it in front of others, but it’s considerably a red flag for that instance.

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Not Fighting

Yes, arguing with your spouse creates a healthy relationship. It makes both of you understand boundaries, likes and dislikes, adjustments, and acceptance. It makes the relationship grow because there’s a marital development. But if both of you consider avoiding it too often or just completely cutting it to zero percent, then there’s a huge underlying problem in the relationship. If there are no small arguments, resentments begin to buildup. And sometimes, before you know it, these avoided issues can pop up and eventually end everything.

Undoubtedly, you or your spouse experienced some of these unnoticeable issues in your marriage. Reflect on the reasons and take a step back so you can start to figure out why you feel that way. Evaluate the relationship and bring front solutions to the marriage.

Top 3 Marital Problems To Solve

No matter how much you make an effort into making your relationship with your husband a flawless one, there will always come a time when your marriage will experience some problems. Keep in mind that it is completely okay to go through several difficulties in a marriage as long as you stick together to solve it. “If you don’t feel listened to, respected for your thoughts/opinions, even when you disagree, and comfortable speaking your mind — these are signs your relationship will not work out,” Toni Coleman, LCSW. Take note that it only becomes extremely problematic if either of you does not participate in making the marital union work.

In this article, we are going to talk about the three common marital problems that every married couple may face at some point in the union. Remember that there is a necessity to pinpoint and become familiar about these issues so that you and your spouse can instantly find a way on how to solve them. Here is the list:

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Financial Matters

Money is a serious talk when it comes to any relationship, especially in a marriage. While it has been proven that money does not make the world go round, it does not mean that the lack of it can be perfectly fine as long as you are together. Never make an assumption when it comes to financial matters to ensure that you will not have any misunderstanding with the other spouse. As much as possible, be open to discuss any topics related to finances to avoid more significant concerns from coming in. “They may have very different attitudes about money, but if they can hear each other and respect each other, then they can come to a compromise,” pertaining to sound money management, as said by Brad Klontz, PsyD.

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Jealousy

A recent study shows that one of the common causes of divorce or annulment is the absence of trust between the married couple. Once it happens, the marriage will go down the drain because jealousy can make one irrational. It is as if your intelligence will vanish the moment you start feeling envious of the other women. The truth of the matter is that you must learn how to make your partner feel that you trust him in whatever he does. Believe him when he says that he is not an infidel.

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Upbringing of Kids

A married couple may also experience a rift in the relationship when both of them have personal reservations on how to raise kids. There will be a clash since most of the time you would have opposing views on what is right and wrong with respect to raising your children. The smartest thing to do at this point is to master the art of compromise. Do not make the mistake of prolonging fights between you and the other person. Instead, talk about the differences in ideas or principles that both of you believe, Find the common grounds from all these so that you will not have a difficult time making compromises.

Whatever the cause of the problem is in the marriage, it is imperative on your part to find the effective ways on how to resolve the issues for the purpose of saving the marriage. “Enjoy daydreaming and fantasizing about the future together, even if your partner’s dreams are independent of yours,” says licensed psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson, MA. Take note that the more you deny to yourself the existence of these issues, the more difficult it is for you to prevent the dissolution of the marital bond in the future.

How To Keep The Marriage Alive

Marriage is a lifetime commitment that one should take seriously. “Ideally, the joy of long-term commitment is having someone beside you, with you, to share the joys and the burdens of life. A long-term commitment complements the rest of your life as it becomes an integral part of it,” according to Mark D. White Ph.D..It is where couples try to create their own family and live with the blessings of the Holy Matrimony. It is a significant decision that both men and women should consider because it serves as the couple’s legal bond of their union.

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I’m Glad I Recall

“When you are in denial about your part in the relationship, then you are no better than a child flinging sand at another child in a sandbox. When you take responsibility for your part in the marriage, only then will you be able to connect with your partner in a mature, intimate way.”Carin Goldstein, LMFT

Being married to my husband for more than 15 years has made me realize that arguments in a relationship have nothing to do with the environment. Well, at least not all of it.  The truth is, the maximum percentage of our marriage conflicts comes from our home. Yes, and the more we stay together, it creates a massive commotion inside our house which affects all of us in the family. 

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When Finances Are The Problem In Relationships

Being in love always gives us the illusion that everything else will fall into place once we find the right person for us, but in reality, being in love and staying in a relationship is all about hard work and commitment. In order to build a stronger foundation for you and your partner to last a long time, there should be a discussion of important matters such as money. For some money topics might be too trivial to focus on, after all, you are in love. However, experts recommend having an open and honest conversation about money early on since it is bound to happen anyways.

In time, should you decide to save up for holidays, joint purchases and possibly renting or buying a home together, money issues will inevitably arise. Different individuals have a different view on finances, salaries, spending habits, and investments and due to these differences, friction and conflict may arise. “Some of the symptoms bringing them in—feeling depressed, feeling anxious, having panic attacks—they may not know how much the role of money is playing in those symptoms,” says Brad Klontz, PsyD when couples come to his office with money trying to tear the marriage apart.

source: practicalhappiness.com

Just like any other relationship, there’s bound to be some issues that will possibly end up in disagreement or argument; however, the important part is both you and your partner are willing to compromise and tackle the problem head-on. In a new relationship, many topics are unexplored, and oftentimes, both partners are unwilling to bring up sensitive issues (politics, religion, money and previous relations) because your present status is exceptional anyways so disturb the status quo. Here are guidelines to remember when money issues are considered.

Accept that everyone is different.

There is a chance that you and your partner differ in the salary range. One might be earning a lot and have numerous investments while the other might be struggling to pay student loans, debt and financial aftermath of a relationship or divorce. Accept that being financially savvy is not a trait of everyone.  Also, people vary in their attitude towards money that is why as much as possible to discuss weighty topics early on in the relationship because after all, you have two options: to accept the person regarding financial matters or end the relationship.

Don’t add insult to injury.

No to blaming. “Do everything you can to support your partner’s well-being, and respect your partner as you would your best friend,” says John Gerson, Ph.D.

Don’t ever say “I told you so” when your partner makes a money mishaps. It is innate to emphasize that you were right all along and the other was wrong. If he/she put himself or herself under financial woes using his/her own money, then what you could do is give advice or tip in a relaxed and nonjudgmental matter. The final decision remains in their hands. For joint accounts, a rule should have been placed that frivolous and unnecessary purchases should be done through consulting the opinion of your partner.

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Take small steps

Controlling or budgeting your finances can be overwhelming to someone who hasn’t done it before. If one of you is not aware of the importance of savings and investment, the more financially savvy should mentor your partner as well as learn and improve together. Start with easy saving tips such as limit buying from Starbucks and cooking your meals now and then. Also, another example is set an appropriate budget for the household weekly and stick by your allotted amount.

Here are some additional tips – “First, take yourself to a local bookstore or search online for books that specifically focus on this subject. Second, it’s time to have a discussion with your partner and for you to make a vow to change your relationship with money. Third, create what I call a Financial Performance Improvement Plan,” according to Seth Meyers Psy.D. Financial Performance Improvement Plan is a specific plan – identify a financial problem, create a solution for it, and have a deadline.

Lastly,

Cheating Was His Mistake, Staying Was My Choice

Couples who have decided to get married should know that there are a lot of things to consider for a relationship to work. They should have a better understanding of what their roles are to avoid complications in a situation. They should have to realize that some things may happen out of their expectations that might lead to unnecessary failed decisions. They have to remember that things will never work even if they tried so hard to put effort into it. “In a fight, when one partner is overwhelmed, they may not be able to process their thoughts,” Dr. Megan Flemming, clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist, explains.

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“My Husband Cheated On Me.”

Almost six years of marriage went down to extreme exhaustion and pain. My husband cheated on me due to lack of communication. He slowly lost his desire for the things that made us both happy and eventually complains a lot about how we deal with each other’s disagreements. He managed to divert his attention to the things I am not aware of that led to intense arguments.

I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to love me. However, the situation got out of hand, and everything caused me severe pain and heartache. His mistake made me hate him as much as I hate myself. I almost wanted to die and attempted suicide. But I am his wife, and he’s my husband. That’s when I realize that I need to work on things to be able to get it better.

The Confession

Communication is a reliable way to get things done in the first place. “Covering up and lying about infidelity makes things worse, especially for the one being cheated on,” she continued — so spare your partner additional pain by being as honest as possible,” according to psychologist and dating and relationship expert Madeleine Mason Roantree. Talking to him about how his cheating makes me feel so alone made him realize that everything was wrong. He asked for forgiveness, and I find it slightly hard to forgive, but I did. I gave him a second chance. We both need to understand that the choices we made will not define us, but instead make us the person that no one thought we would be.

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Why I decided to stay

I decided to stay only because of one reason. It’s a choice I wanted to make. I want to save my husband as much as I tried to protect myself. I want him to know that even if things don’t seem to work for us, we can always find ways to work it out. I realized that I have to make him understand how much I loved him so he can remember how much I mean to him. From that, I can save the marriage and the family I built with my husband. “No two people agree on everything, and that’s okay, but it’s important to be okay with each other’s differences.”Lee Bowers, LP, PhD

People may find it hard to see things differently, but love is all about making decisions. It is where you can summarize the things you have sacrificed for you to achieve the happy ending that you have always wanted. Staying committed should be made for valid reasons. Acceptance and forgiveness will eventually make things better if you try to learn to see the picture differently. Act on the situation by working on the positive side and avoid condoning the mistake because love doesn’t mean letting go. It needs you to fight for it.

Marriage: It Takes Two To Tango

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Couples should consider a lot of things before they settle down and tie the knot. In marriage, “No two people agree on everything, and that’s okay, but it’s important to be okay with each other’s differences,” says Lee Bowers, LP, PhD. Both parties should take full responsibility for their duties as husband and wife. The relationship must include commitment, understanding, and unconditional love. However, it may show signs of failure. How can it survive the harsh truth of reality that one can suddenly feel nothing at all, or it may be both ways?

 

 “There’s No You or Me, Only Us”

Married couples may encounter a lot of problems along their way to forever. But the thought should always be and quoting Lori Edelson, LMSW, LMFT, “Impossible to imagine one without the other!” Things like decision making are crucial in a lot of circumstances, and once a relationship fails to realize the essence of marriage, things can turn out worse. A study of people’s psycho-physiological measurement and their emotions apply to those people who tend to change their perception once they become married. The marital interaction happens once their meta-emotions are triggered which somehow leads the couple to selfish judgment and denial.

“I don’t love my husband anymore.”

It was almost over for Kilee Luthi (a loving wife) and his husband when she woke up one day and thought of not loving his husband anymore. Her decision made her realize that over the course of unwanted trials and misunderstandings, she finally fell out of love. However, the thought of it only reflects what her choice should or shouldn’t have to be. So instead of ending their relationship, she managed to pull through and decided to love his husband all over again.

Over the way of her meta-emotions, she realized a lot of things that made her change her perception throughout her struggle. She decided to stay and save their marriage. She viewed the relationship differently and made some adjustments to her preferences. She showed effort and started seeing things the way it was before when she decided to marry the man she calls her husband. From there, her consciousness made way for them to patch things up instead of ending it.

“It works if we work on it.”

Love never ends, and it must embody the relationship of both married couples. Letting go doesn’t always have to be an option when a person knows how to make a responsible decision. Everything married couples experience will still result in different opinions, and as long as both of them (or at least one of them) chose to fix things rather than finish it, a healthier relationship will soon take place. Always “Pursue connection!” says Lee Horton, Ph.D.

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Loving a person is always a choice. You will have to deal with your emotions and apply necessary decisions that will make you realize how happy and satisfied you are with your life. It takes time before you can finally get over the fact that you and your partner should or should not have to go on separate ways because ending a marriage is never easy. It will catch a lot of emotional stress and heartaches. So if you are having problems on whether you want to hold on or let go of your marriage, always remember the reason why you said “yes” in the first place.