For over my ten years in a relationship with my husband, I am pretty sure we already experienced so many ups and downs. The truth is, I cannot even think of one particular case because everything in my head always leads me into a couple of unwanted stuff. So instead of overthinking and trying to torture my mental health, I preferably choose not to worry about those. But lately, I have this emotional battle that I am not sure where the hell comes from. I am confident that I am at my best emotional state. However, my mind tells me a different story.
I Reached Out, But No One Answers
The thing with my emotional strength, I have this confidence to tell people what are the emotions I have at the moment. The particular practice allows me to have the edge over others who cannot seem to put into words their emotional turmoil. With that said, since I am having a different kind of feelings that I cannot seem to explain, I told my husband about it. In my surprise, talk therapy did not work. I felt so devastated that I thought something is wrong in the way I delivered my emotional concern. I thought maybe the details are not precise, or perhaps some of them are not worthy of becoming an issue. I was as confused as to what I should be thinking about that moment. Did I tell my husband nonsense stuff? Are my emotional crisis doesn’t mean anything at all? Am I overreacting or only trying to grab some “I-don’t-really-need” attention? Those are the things I asked myself because I thought it was about me. Later, I figured out that it was my husband’s ignorance of my mental illness.
Unfortunately, my beloved husband does not understand the mental condition I struggle to have. He assumed that I only needed some rest and lots of sleep to become better. Well, I honestly listened to his advice and made myself a list of self-care tips. However, what I entirely needed that time is his full understanding and attention of the symptoms of my depression. I want him to know that I needed someone to be there for me because I was having a problem of knowing what is wrong. Unfortunately, I only receive a little amount of emotional and mental support from him. My husband thought that all of the things I was going through are something that can cure itself over an extended period. Boy, he was so wrong.
I understand that I can never push someone to understand my emotional and mental health battle because not all people know how to react. I do not blame my husband for being ignorant of the situation because he never intends to disregard my emotional and psychological crisis. He is only unaware of the things I am having, and I can consider an exemption for that. My depression is now both our battles, and I am thankful that he chooses to stay and fight it with me.