Getting back the life and love you’ve lost along the challenging road of marriage.
“When your marriage which you thought would stand the test of time ends, your heart understandably is broken. It’s normal to feel completely lost, afraid and all alone. It’s also natural to start wondering about when to date after divorce because you want the pain to go away,” says Alicia Clark PsyD.
Don’t you just detest going through a divorce? All those stressful meetings, the screaming, blaming, seemingly endless arguing that eventually lead to even more screaming, blatant cursing, and bickering until both parties are too exhausted to attack each other and just agree on signing those liberating documents – this is the usual scenario in divorce cases.
Well, let’s hope that your marriage is not yet on the verge of falling apart because the process of legally unbinding your relationship is going to be messy and downright devastating not only on both partners but especially for children.
What Experts Say
Before we go to it, here are some words from noted mental health expert and award-winning psychologist, Brad Desmond, Msc, “Here’s the unhappy truth about long-term relationships: Over time, as couples get used to each other, they have less sex. There, I said it. Sad but true.” So, yes. Sex – can make or break your long-term relationship.
Another statement, coming from sex and marriage therapist Stephen Snyder, MD , goes like this – “People need to be enjoyed. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a professional relationship, like the one I just described, a family relationship, or a romantic relationship. The one sure-fire, works-every-time, easiest way in the world to make your partner happy is to enjoy them.”
With that aired out, here are some relationship tips and expert recommendations on how to create a healthy bond, confront difficult issues, and discover greater happiness to maintain a steady marriage notwithstanding the highs and lows.
- Change Must Start With You
When one feels stressed out, disappointed, bored, angry, and betrayed, it’s tempting to blame your significant other. Then, it’s just a couple of steps away from viewing your partner as the one who needs to change and adjust to make the marriage work. Once this happens, your better-half automatically takes on the defensive mode and immediately casts you as the one who needs to improve. In the end, nobody changes and no one is willing to take on the responsibility which makes both parties unhappy.
Instead of aggressively imposing modifications that should be done by your partner, start with yourself. Addressing personal flaws while seeking your partner’s best qualities is more productive than endlessly pointing fingers and resolving nothing. While you’re at it, also acknowledge that you have flaws and there are ways of managing them instead of continually berating yourself.
- Use Conflict To Your Relationship’s Advantage
Conflict is part of marriage; nobody who has gone in a relationship can say that they did not encounter obstacles along their way. No matter the degree of struggle, the important part is the way one handles every situation. By possessing the right attitude and tools in ironing out disagreements, conflict can pave the way to a more profound level of intimacy by grabbing it as a chance to:
- Be visible and transparent
- Be accepted and loved despite the imperfections
- Build strong connection without quietly seething or caving in
The first thing that you need to do to achieve this level of maturity in your relationship is by steering clear of hostility, criticism, and confrontation for they will worsen the rift between parties. Healthy couples, as much as possible, keep controversies from escalating, hold back from their anger which affects verbalization of fault-finding thoughts, and most importantly, veer away from using absolutes.
- Be Observant
Open your eyes, ears, and heart; listen more and speak less. Criticisms, insults, bullying, and blaming in a marriage are the main ingredients in its collapse. When communication becomes offensive, try not to defend yourself rapidly or interrupt or immediately give a solution without hearing everything that your partner has to say. Feelings are meant to be heard and not countered. Just take everything in and figure out where these frustrations are coming from. Sometimes, all your partner needs are for you to pay close attention and be open-minded about his or her grievances.
No matter the distance of how far your marriage has gotten, there are fundamental rules that both parties must follow to conquer the bumps in the road. Put this advice into practice not only to make the marriage stronger but happier and more resilient to further complications up ahead.