When I was in school, my greatest desire was to always be on top of my class, and I was. I started working and dreamt of being successful and was able to put up a business of my own which was the result of my hard work. I finally decided to get married with the goal to make my relationship work by being the best wife and mother. But things seem so hard to handle as many opportunities come up, robbing me of my time to focus on building a family.
I asked my husband if we could delay having a baby for another year so I can finish all my commitments, and he let me because he knew it has always been my dream. But opportunities kept on coming in, and I didn’t want to let them pass, as not all are given such a chance. Anyway, I reasoned that everything I was doing was for our family’s future.
My career became my priority, and I forgot about our plan of building a family. I broke my husband’s trust and gave up on our dreams. I let my career rob us of the relationship which was supposed to be the source of our happiness. To some degree, I became like an addict. Although I was aware that my career was slowly destroying our relationship, I chose to ignore and deny it. I kept on doing what I wanted to advance my career, not caring what it would cost me as long as I had my highs. The satisfaction and excitement my job brought me turned me into a heartless monster.
I turned a blind eye to my husband’s feelings, thinking he would understand. I pushed him away. I never thought that one day he would grow impatient of waiting until I found myself coming home to an empty house. He left to give me space to think. He made me choose between my career and him. That was the first time that I realized I had hurt him so much. Anxiety visits me every night since he left because of fear that he will abandon me forever. The guilt and shame I am feeling are crushing my soul.
It was a wake-up call for me. I thought things over countless times. Still, I want to consider my career, but I love my husband, so I bargained if he can wait a little more. His answer was NO. He had given me enough time he said.
I thought of him as selfish at first, but then he threw back everything at me. His words made me realize how patient, supportive and forgiving he had been of me. I never want to lose him, and so I know it is now up to me if I am going to make or break this beautiful relationship.
Two years had passed. We now have a cute little Dan, and I still have my business (although I have an assistant to do errands for me). I have a very loving and supportive husband by my side. If I had chosen my career back then, I would have missed this family that I used to dream of having.
It’s not really possible to serve two masters at a time. You will either hate one and love the other. Being a happy, devoted partner and a successful career woman is one thing I thought I could handle, but it didn’t work out. I became the worst version of myself with my self-destructive addiction to growing my business. My career turned me into the most selfish person I never thought I could be. Wanting to have it all made me almost lose it all.
In life, often we are left with tough choices, and we will never really know if what we are to choose is the right or wrong one.
But for me, to have no regret, I live my life according to what is most important for me. It is essential to know what is that thing that will give you the happiness you’ve always been wanting to have. Most importantly, ask God’s guidance. Listen to what it is He wants for your life, and everything else will follow, maybe not according to what you’ve planned but according to His plan.