Marriage is more than just a ceremony. It is a relationship built on trust, love and a little bit of everything that makes up who you are.
Marriages work when two people are willing and want to choose each other over and over again no matter what. “The truth is that mature love is developed through daily feeding of the marriage and devotion to the relationship, which provide the oxygen that allows partners to survive and thrive in the vicissitudes of life,” explained by Stan Tatkin Psy.D.
As a married woman, I never thought that marriage is far more difficult than having a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of relationship.
Marriage is not a stroll in the park. It sometimes ends because of petty things like miscommunication, time management, money, too much familiarity, and emotional mismanagement.
These little problems, over time, create the most massive conflict between the husband and wife. Little by little, if not talked about, it destroys the marriage as well as the relationship built.
Couples do not take communication seriously. They tend to think that it can never cause a problem. Most couples feel that their physical presence is what communication is all about.
Small miscommunication creates a gap and builds walls between the couple. It blocks the understanding of one to the other. Sometimes, communication depends on how one talks or the use and choice of words.
As A Problem
Miscommunication is one of the biggest problems my husband and I encountered. For me, communication is non-negotiable. What keeps our communication apart is the use of mobile phones.
Mobile phones give entertainment that though it makes us build relationships with persons who are far, unknowingly, it let us drift apart from the person beside us.
In my case, I felt neglected. I felt avoided and unwanted. These feelings led me to doubt our marriage.
“Couples therapy can’t be successful without both partners buying into the relationship for at least for the foreseeable future.” said Alicia H. Clark PsyD and I believed her.
When I was to blow out, I decided to talk with my husband. I confronted him with the truth and openly discussed the problem with him.
I chose to fix our miscommunication by communicating, and it worked. We both decided to take away our mobile phones or any gadgets whenever talking. We both made a way to talk about our daily life before we dive into a deep slumber every night.
Money is usually the biggest problem in marriage life. How do you settle each other’s differences regarding spending? Spending most of your time on things that are irrelevant is where usually the problem arises.
How do you reconcile with each other? How does money become a problem and how it affects marriage?
As A Problem
Money usually is a basic necessity to provide for in a family. That is why we tend to save and earn as much as we can. However, sometimes we tend to fall for impulsive buying, and as an outcome, we spend too much out of our budget.
My husband is a fan of online shopping. However, he does it as a way of a small business in the form of an online thrift shop. He is also a fan of signature items that leads to frequent and petty arguments.
Like all other married couples, we got through this by letting my partner understand what our family needs and agree that we can sometimes reward each other with a gift.
We made a budget schedule that could meet our needs. A monthly budget for utilities, for travel, for an emergency fund, and for leisure. This way, we were matured enough to be confronted with hard facts about spending.
No matter what the problem is, the best way to fix whatever problem in marriage is by communicating. Take care of the little things, don’t let it become big and unmanageable.
Keep in mind that you both have to work for your marriage. Set aside your differences and always meet half-way. Be open to all forms of communication and always learn from each other. “An important part of the interactions between you and your spouse is the way in which you communicate thoughts, ideas, and feelings primarily through verbal communication. Your ability to verbally communicate with your spouse can significantly enhance the kind of relationship that will exist between the two of you,” said by Catherine Aponte Psy.D. I love my husband, and yes, I want to enhance our relationship.