Mental Health 101: Getting Over Insecurities After Divorce

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Before I got married, I had been told to find Mr. Nice Guy, not Mr. Handsome or Mr. Sexy Abs. The reason was that nice men were not supposed to cheat. They were often contented with their lives and did not want to ruin whatever good they had going. When Eddie came along, I thought that I hit the jackpot and agreed to marry him after a year of dating.

When we exchanged “I do’s,” we decided that I would leave my job to start building our family. Money was the least of our worries, considering Eddie had an online gaming business. Even if we had a dozen kids, it would still be okay. Or so I thought. 

Realizations

I realized something was off when Eddie started coming home late later than usual. His excuse was that he was meeting new clients and developers over dinner. I would have believed it if it happened once or twice a week. However, its frequency increased, to the point that even the kids were already wondering where Dada was.

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So, one day, I thought of dropping by at the restaurant where Eddie was supposed to meet so-called clients. We shared our Google calendars, so it was easy to find its location. But when I got there, the maître d’ said there was no table reservation under his name or company. 

Want to know where I found my husband? Inside his office, fooling around with his new secretary. 

I wanted to barge in the room for a split second and smack whoever I could reach first. But then, I decided to go in there as calmly as I could. When Eddie saw me, he could not hide the truth from me anymore.

Confrontations

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I asked Eddie, “Why did you do it?”

He said, “I swear I didn’t mean to, honey. Tanya’s just always here, and she’s very sexy. You, on the other hand, well, you seem to have forgotten to take care of yourself. I mean, look at yourself now.”

The nerve of this man! Eddie’s hitting all the sore spots in my utterly low self-confidence. He knew how hard I was trying to get back in shape after baby #3. He knew how much I cried when I realized that I no longer fit in my size-4 clothes. Whenever I asked my husband if he still loved me despite all that, he immediately said yes. Little did I know, Eddie was merely answering like a robot to avoid hurting my feelings.

However, what he did this time was beyond that. He broke my trust and talked matter-of-factly as if his actions were justifiable. The arrangement that Eddie wanted was more absurd than that. He said, “I’ll only see Tanya during office hours, and I’ll be the perfect husband for you at home.”

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Keeping a cool head, I told my husband, “I have a better idea. I’ll file for divorce first thing in the morning and get 40% of your company (as stipulated in our agreement before marriage). Then, you can see our kids on weekends. You’ll be free to do whatever you want with your slutty secretary.”

Of course, Eddie didn’t want any of that, especially not the 40% part of the company going to me. But he also knew that I would not back down and that my family and his parents would back me up, so he gave in. On the same night, our kids and I moved to the house that I bought before getting married.

Licking Old Wounds

I would be a fool not to admit that my husband’s infidelity did not affect my mental health. Not only did Eddie pick a woman who’s my exact opposite, but he also pointed out my flaws aloud. I had been honest to him regarding my insecurities since we were a couple; I didn’t know he would be THAT insensitive and throw it all back to me.

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Luckily, I got real friends who were willing to help me get over my insecurities after divorce. They brought me to the gym for an hour every day while my parents babysat for my children. Our initial goal was for me to have a revenge body so that Eddie would realize what he lost. But the more I saw the positive results, the more I geared towards improving my body for myself.

It was too early for me to think of finding a new man, but I allowed my friends to drag me to a bar at least once a week. They gave me a makeover, and for the first time after having kids, I felt like my old self again. Even my eldest child commented, “Mama, you’re so pretty.”

In The End

My divorce was merely finalized last week. As my friends expected, Eddie started acting nice to me again and trying to win me back when he saw me lose weight. However, I already knew better than to take him back.