When Too Much Love Becomes Abuse… Love Can Kill

I love my wife so much that I am trying my best to give her everything.  I never thought that the kind of love I have for her would cause us to be apart.

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I Was The Jealous Type

I admit that I am kind of possessive.  I hate seeing my wife with her friends, especially male friends.  I wanted her to always spend time with me. I did not allow her to use her phones or any gadgets when we were on vacation.  I got mad whenever she disobeyed me or do things without my permission.

 

I thought that she loved me too so much that she would agree with everything I say.  I had no idea that she was doing it to avoid disagreement and argument.

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Our Relationship Was Almost Perfect

My friends envied me for having such a wife who was very supportive of me.  She was indeed one of a kind, very sweet, caring, and understanding.  We didn’t have kids yet, but I knew they would come in due time. I thought we would still enjoy our moments together, and I was not thinking of sharing her with anyone else then.

 

After office hours, I would fetch her, and we would go home or stroll the park together or have dinner somewhere nice.  It was always her and me, and we were happy (so I thought).

 

Her Suicide Surprised Me

One day, I noticed the dullness in her eyes.  I did not bother to ask why.  She told me she was not going to the office, and will just stay home.   I thought she was just not feeling well, but when I got back home, I was shocked when I saw sleeping pills in our bedroom.  She overdosed.

I rushed her to the hospital.  Tears were all over my face.  I was trembling in fear.  I was praying in panic, asking God not to take her from me.   I was on my knees asking the doctors to do their best, and after some time they were able to revive her.

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She Wanted A Life Apart From Me

For days, we were not talking.  She was not looking at me.  I still had no idea why she did it, until one day she asked for a divorce.  What was happening? I thought we were okay.  I thought everything was going well.

 

She Hated Me

Jealousy was my proof that I loved her and I didn’t want to lose her.   I never thought it could be a toxic behavior that is slowly killing her.  It was an indication of my insecurity and being controlling.  I forgot about how she would feel, and I lost sight of the fact that she needed the love, care, and support of her family and friends, too, in other aspects of her life.  I disregarded the importance of trusting her and that suffocated her.

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I thought I knew what was best for us, but I was a fool.  All I did was hurt my wife and emotionally abuse her.  It may not be intentional, but I put her in misery, and I slowly pushed her away.  But despite what happened, I knew she still loved me, and I was willing to do anything to win her back.

 

The suicide was a wakeup call for me to refrain from controlling and humiliating her and becoming irrationally jealous of every single person in her life.  I gave her space and showed and proved to her that I could change.  It’s not just love that I am willing to give but compassion in order to reverse the harm I did.

 

It took time, but I was able to gain her trust again.

 

Too much love can hurt the person you love the most, because of your lack of trust, humiliation, and limiting her personal space.  Being married does not mean that the world will just revolve around you two.  We are born to be social creatures, and so we need friends who can be our support besides our partner.  And these things I deprived my wife which ruined her health, self-esteem, and happiness, leading to her suicide.  These things I am willing to rebuild again with my true unselfish love, compassion, and empathy.