The most common misconception about couples therapy or relationship counseling is that it will always save the marriage. It is time for people to know that this is wrong information because the truth is that the success rate for this form of therapy is not guaranteed. This means that just because a husband and wife have decided to see a therapist does not necessarily mean that it will ultimately resolve the marital woes. As Anita Chlipala, licensed marriage and family therapist says, “If you keep having the same fight, a couples’ therapist can teach you to identify which issues are situational and perpetual.”
My husband and I, we used to be the happiest people on this planet! We go on weekend adventures, party all Friday night, go camping once a month, stay up late every night talking about none sense, and oh boy, we had fun! I knew he was the one for me, so I instantly said yes when he asked me to marry him.
Our first five years were incredible. In that short span of time, considering we have a lifetime ahead, our family grew big. We now have three beautiful kids. At first, we were so excited to be parents. Although I have to admit, we were scared at the same time.
Our first child, who we had in our second year of marriage, made our first year as parents bliss! Everything was new, and we were so ecstatic about all the firsts we experienced. We were sure about how we wanted our lives to be. We were looking forward to the future.
Then, our second child came a year after our first. I must say it wasn’t as exciting, but the fact that we had a new little one who looked like his dad was thrilling. The four years of being parents were incredible!
In our sixth year, our youngest just turned one. I was so proud of us for doing a great job! I know I did fantastically, and so did he. I could say that I was the best mom they could ever have. But that’s just me comparing myself to the moms I know personally. I was so confident about how I took care of them. I made sure they were my priority and that they always had what they needed.
Time passed, my husband and I, we started to fight. He gets upset over stuff he didn’t mind before. Somehow, I felt like we both were suffering from emotional abuse because of the way we make each other feel. I remember telling him I wish I never married him. My friends told me maybe we have the “seven-year itch.” It’s the term used when the thrill, excitement, and happiness start to vanish in a relationship. They encouraged me to go through a couples counseling, so I convinced him, and we did.
In our first session, I was confident that I had nothing to do with what was going on between us. I was sure it was not my fault. My husband suddenly changed for no reason at all! After everything I did for the family, for our kids, this is what I get?
The second session, third session, and so on went by. What I can think about was how unreasonable he was. I didn’t understand where he was coming from. Maybe he was having an affair, and it’s just his way of getting out.
It was in our fifth couples counseling session that he finally said something that struck me. “You used to be fun,” and he said this with all sadness in his eyes. I saw it in him that he misses me. He didn’t have to speak anymore. With those five words, all of the years that went by, they all flashed back in my head. I forgot about him. I was busy taking care of the kids that I didn’t realize I was putting him aside.
“You used to be fun.”If I heard this from someone else, It might sound childish and shallow, but it came from him. He told me this with all sincerity, and it was something more. There are things that only the two of us share, and just the two of us know. The words he’s spoken were shallow, but I know what they meant.
After attending our final couples counseling session, I knew what I had to do. I realized that sometimes, we become preoccupied with being a mother that we forget to become a wife. We expect our husbands to be okay with what’s left, but they too, need to feel loved. I didn’t know we needed a couples counseling, but sometimes, the least we expect is just the thing we need.
For information about online couples counseling, you can also check BetterHelp. They may be able to help you regarding particular issues you are facing in your relationship.