For over my ten years in a relationship with my husband, I am pretty sure we already experienced so many ups and downs. The truth is, I cannot even think of one particular case because everything in my head always leads me into a couple of unwanted stuff. So instead of overthinking and trying to torture my mental health, I preferably choose not to worry about those. As Alicia H. Clark, PsyD said, “Try not to fight your anxiety.”But lately, I have this emotional battle that I am not sure where the hell comes from. I am confident that I am at my best emotional state. However, my mind tells me a different story.
I Reached Out, But No One Answers
According to Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., “The further you move away from experiencing your emotions, the more distant you become from others, as well as from yourself.” The thing with my emotional strength, I have this confidence to tell people what are the emotions I have at the moment. The particular practice allows me to have the edge over others who cannot seem to put into words their emotional turmoil. With that said, since I am having a different kind of feelings that I cannot seem to explain, I told my husband about it. In my surprise, talk therapy did not work. I felt so devastated that I thought something is wrong in the way I delivered my emotional concern. I thought maybe the details are not precise, or perhaps some of them are not worthy of becoming an issue. I was as confused as to what I should be thinking about that moment. Did I tell my husband nonsense stuff? Are my emotional crisis doesn’t mean anything at all? Am I overreacting or only trying to grab some “I-don’t-really-need” attention? Those are the things I asked myself because I thought it was about me. Later, I figured out that it was my husband’s ignorance of my mental illness.
Unfortunately, my beloved husband does not understand the mental condition I struggle to have. He assumed that I only needed some rest and lots of sleep to become better. Well, I honestly listened to his advice and made myself a list of self-care tips. However, what I entirely needed that time is his full understanding and attention of the symptoms of my depression. I want him to know that I needed someone to be there for me because I was having a problem of knowing what is wrong. Unfortunately, I only receive a little amount of emotional and mental support from him. My husband thought that all of the things I was going through are something that can cure itself over an extended period. Boy, he was so wrong.
I understand that I can never push someone to understand my emotional and mental health battle because not all people know how to react. I do not blame my husband for being ignorant of the situation because he never intends to disregard my emotional and psychological crisis. He is only unaware of the things I am having, and I can consider an exemption for that.
My depression is now both our battles, and I am thankful that he chooses to stay and fight it with me. As what Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. stated, “there are precious few guarantees in life. It’s almost always a matter of probabilities.”