Most couples are good at the blame game. My husband and I used to never run out of things or situation to blame each other. We just have a heaping pile of them, but then, I realized that it is not how we started in our relationship. We used to be supportive, understanding and accepting of each other, especially when it came to our flaws.
When it’s about to pay bills, I often blame my husband for buying too much stuff which he does not really need, and then he’ll suddenly point fingers at me. He will make a roll call of every shoe and dress shopping I was doing, and most of those are still in the bag untouched. My counterattack – “Women are different from men, and we have many needs.”
It’s not always me who will do things, especially the cleaning. But he will point out how messy I am and that it is just right for me to clean up everything.
It’s a mother’s job to look after the kids’ needs and progress in school. Men are not expected to multi-task like women or they just really cannot. When I am trying to discipline the kids, he will come to their rescue; and when things would go wrong, I am the one to blame.
Unhappiness And Marriage Problems
He blames me for his unhappy, miserable life, and I blame him for my discontentment and unsatisfying marriage. When he blames me for his failure, I would blame him for my low self-esteem and not being able to progress.
We’ve never stopped blaming each other because of our “you’re much worse than me” attitude. The used to be “excited about a wonderful future with you” idea is slowly dying down. I do think it needs saving, for why despite the blaming, we are still living together? There is always that love that we just lost somewhere along the way, and we have to find it and put it back in our relationship.
Put A Stop To The “Blaming Saves Me” Attitude
I cannot accept my fault that I need someone else to blame it too. I never realized that it was causing us more problems. We must re-learn to recognize the problem and accept who is at fault without being judgmental. Deal with it with love and gentleness. Blaming your spouse could save your face, but not the relationship. The relationship is not just about you, but both of you.
Bring Back The Respect
Respect begets respect. If you respect your husband, he will respect you back. If you do not blame him, he will not blame you back. When you start blaming your spouse, it just means that you do not have respect for him, his judgment, and his decision-making capability. Start showing respect by learning how to choose the right words to say.
Proverbs 16:24 reminds us that pleasant words are like honey, they are sweet to the soul and healthy for your body.
Practice Positive Communication
If you will continue blaming each other or just keeping silent about your problems, the tendency is for you to become more distant from each other, and it is the last thing we want to happen. Break your walls by increasing the use of positive and uplifting words in your communication. Respect and kind words will undoubtedly improve how your partner will treat you.
Put A Twist When Blaming Restarts
Have your spouse cooperate with what you want to happen by setting a good example. Whether it is about budgeting, taking care of kids’ stuff, house chores, or just every single thing or problem in your home, use it as an opportunity to improve your communication.
Be what you preach, and from there, you can influence him, and you can start working together as a couple, solve your problems, creating closeness.
You are not worse than your partner nor is he worse than you. It is a lie that causes you to act selfishly and irrationally. Recognize your flaws and accept them, for only the truth in your marriage will set you both free to be yourselves. It will allow you to be more open and loving to each other. It is the truth that will enable you to set things right and act fairly towards each other.
Only when you stop your blaming will you enjoy a loving, nurturing, and healthy relationship.