With the availability of the remedy of divorce in the United States, it becomes convenient for some married couples just to call it quits. Some husbands and wives have chosen to part ways because of so many problems that they encounter during the union. What if they children? “Parents need to know that divorce always affects children because of the disruption in their life. Some children may fare better than others – others may not. Parents can expect a full range of emotions from spitefulness, uncooperativeness, feelings of depression, being withdrawn or combination of all the above,” says Katherine Sellwood, PsyD. Aside from this issue, there are others that can fuel the fire.
Some of the common issues involve financial problems, acts of infidelity and different opinions in some matters. Even my spouse and I have also considered on ending our marital union due to some irreconcilable differences. However, we did not give in and chose to fight for the relationship.
I have to be honest that the process of healing our relationship as husband and wife was not an easy one. However, with our commitment and dedication, we were able to surpass the challenges in our marriage.
“You build intimacy over time. Intimacy is the feeling of belonging and being loved. It’s the feeling of being known and understood. It’s the feeling of being accepted and appreciated.” I read this online which came from a marriage therapist named Laura Heck. And this gave me an idea.
Now, let me share with you some of the things we did to save the marriage:
Communication is essential in every marriage. Without a clear and constant method of communicating, any relationship is bound to fail. My husband and I were so busy in the last few years, which made us unavailable for each other. We barely had time to talk about how our days went or to re-assess our goals as spouses. When we noticed that our marriage became shaky, we decided that it is best to sit down for a while and discuss what is going on.
One of the reasons why things got better between us was the fact that we decided to compromise but in a right way. We tried to understand what is wrong with the two of us. We identified the characteristics or personality traits that we dislike from each other. When we did this, we agreed that the best thing to do was to compromise. We identified the things that we can agree with and eliminate the stuff that is causing stress in our marital cohabitation.
Alicia Clark, PsyD said to compromise – “So many couples believe that a lack of problems, or the ability to anticipate and avoid them, is a key to a happy relationship. But in my experience, it’s not so much about avoiding problems so much as it is about being able to solve them together.”
We made sure that we take ourselves back to the time where we were in love. Because of this, we decided to take a break from our work and travel to a place we’ve always wanted to visit. We went on our second honeymoon with the goal of checking where we stand together as a married couple. Surprisingly, that trip helped us to become closer to one another and to realize how much we miss being together.
We Had Fun With The Kids.
I have to say that the presence of my children was a significant factor in saving our marriage. Our kids helped us to see how beautiful our family is. As such, we made a promise to spend more time with them. As we started to go out together as a family, that was the time that our problems began to fade away. We focused on raising our children to be responsible members of the society. It started there, and the rest is history.
Indeed, saving our marriage was not an easy thing to do than getting a divorce. It broke my heart over and over again, but it was worth it. I could not be elated knowing that I am together with the person whom I truly love.