Save The Marriage, Save The Family

 

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One must invest in time and effort for a marriage to grow and glow. Between household responsibilities, kids, work commitments, and other important schedules, often it is quite difficult to protect that relationship. When trials come, some couples contemplate divorce because they think it’s healthier and more convenient.

However, other couples stay and strive to save the relationship. Which couple are you? Do you find it better to go on separate ways or would you like to save the marriage in order to save your family? If you think you and your spouse have the slightest chance of making it right again, read these proven tips on how to improve your marriage and save your family in the long run.

Respect and honor your spouse

People do change, and that doesn’t exclude your partner. Admiring, accepting, and adapting to these changes is essential in any kind of relationship. You can do this by initially writing a list of your partner’s good features so that you will remember the beautiful human being that you fell in love with and married. This will also help you express your appreciation for your partner’s distinct personalities – those that made you fall for him in the first place. Show him this appreciation by saying thank you. Compliments are also a great way to let him know that you admire him for what he does.

Always communicate

Despite the many distractions that might keep you from keeping in touch with your spouse – smartphones, online jobs, and Netflix, you must find time to talk to your spouse face to face. Open communication about how your day went, your happy and not-so-good moments, your failures, and your successes of the day is crucial in building intimacy and love in the marriage.

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Make a commitment

Contemplating the thought of getting out of the marriage for your sake could place major stress on the relationship, no matter how hard not to say it aloud. Just thinking about it results in a break of your determination to make the marriage work. To avoid this, you must make a commitment to do whatever you can to save your marriage and consequently keep the family intact. Vow to not make divorce an easy option.

Talk about your finances

A lot of marriages are destroyed by misunderstandings about money. Partners frequently have various expectations about their finances. One finds it hard to visualize someone else’s financial plan from his perspective. When you talk about money issues and how finances should be dealt with, you are reducing a tremendous amount of stress from your marriage. Talk about budget, strategies regarding debt, and your plans to live within your means. It’s also vital to talk about your wants and needs and to be able to differentiate between the two. This way, you and your spouse do not need to argue over what you consider important for the family.

Have time apart from each other

Probably one of the toughest things to juggle in a marriage is how much time to spend with each other. If you spend too many hours or days of the week together, you might feel choked and unhappy. If you spend too little time, on the other hand, your spouse might think that you’re irresponsible and passive.

If your spouse asks for time with her friends or for herself, try to give her that as considerably as you can. In fact, you can even offer to watch the kids or do the chores for the day. On the contrary, also make sure that you two spend quality time together. Your dates don’t need to be costly. You can cook at home and have some wine on the patio if the kids need babysitting. What’s important is you have time to be with each other and feel each other’s respect, love, and affection.

Don’t hold grudges

Marriages are often ruined when one is not bent on forgiving. Studies have revealed that feeling angry and resentful toward your spouse almost always embitters and may result in divorce if the situation continues for a prolonged period.

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Try as best you can to forgive your spouse. Don’t take too long to give it because forgiveness is a gift to yourself as it is for the person you are forgiving. Holding grudges increases your stress and certainly affects your health negatively. If you have made a mistake, apologize and ask for forgiveness sincerely. Listen and understand your spouse and commit not to do the same mistake again in the future.

Seek counseling

If despite your efforts at trying to save your marriage, the relationship remains at risk and almost broken, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. When you and your partner can’t seem to figure out what’s wrong, a mediator that is professional and experienced can often be the last and only resort. Who knows, after a few talks and discussions, you’ll both realize that you are not ready to give up on the marriage after all.

 

 

Mental Health 101: Getting Over Insecurities After Divorce

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Before I got married, I had been told to find Mr. Nice Guy, not Mr. Handsome or Mr. Sexy Abs. The reason was that nice men were not supposed to cheat. They were often contented with their lives and did not want to ruin whatever good they had going. When Eddie came along, I thought that I hit the jackpot and agreed to marry him after a year of dating.

When we exchanged “I do’s,” we decided that I would leave my job to start building our family. Money was the least of our worries, considering Eddie had an online gaming business. Even if we had a dozen kids, it would still be okay. Or so I thought. 

Realizations

I realized something was off when Eddie started coming home late later than usual. His excuse was that he was meeting new clients and developers over dinner. I would have believed it if it happened once or twice a week. However, its frequency increased, to the point that even the kids were already wondering where Dada was.

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So, one day, I thought of dropping by at the restaurant where Eddie was supposed to meet so-called clients. We shared our Google calendars, so it was easy to find its location. But when I got there, the maître d’ said there was no table reservation under his name or company. 

Want to know where I found my husband? Inside his office, fooling around with his new secretary. 

I wanted to barge in the room for a split second and smack whoever I could reach first. But then, I decided to go in there as calmly as I could. When Eddie saw me, he could not hide the truth from me anymore.

Confrontations

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I asked Eddie, “Why did you do it?”

He said, “I swear I didn’t mean to, honey. Tanya’s just always here, and she’s very sexy. You, on the other hand, well, you seem to have forgotten to take care of yourself. I mean, look at yourself now.”

The nerve of this man! Eddie’s hitting all the sore spots in my utterly low self-confidence. He knew how hard I was trying to get back in shape after baby #3. He knew how much I cried when I realized that I no longer fit in my size-4 clothes. Whenever I asked my husband if he still loved me despite all that, he immediately said yes. Little did I know, Eddie was merely answering like a robot to avoid hurting my feelings.

However, what he did this time was beyond that. He broke my trust and talked matter-of-factly as if his actions were justifiable. The arrangement that Eddie wanted was more absurd than that. He said, “I’ll only see Tanya during office hours, and I’ll be the perfect husband for you at home.”

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Keeping a cool head, I told my husband, “I have a better idea. I’ll file for divorce first thing in the morning and get 40% of your company (as stipulated in our agreement before marriage). Then, you can see our kids on weekends. You’ll be free to do whatever you want with your slutty secretary.”

Of course, Eddie didn’t want any of that, especially not the 40% part of the company going to me. But he also knew that I would not back down and that my family and his parents would back me up, so he gave in. On the same night, our kids and I moved to the house that I bought before getting married.

Licking Old Wounds

I would be a fool not to admit that my husband’s infidelity did not affect my mental health. Not only did Eddie pick a woman who’s my exact opposite, but he also pointed out my flaws aloud. I had been honest to him regarding my insecurities since we were a couple; I didn’t know he would be THAT insensitive and throw it all back to me.

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Luckily, I got real friends who were willing to help me get over my insecurities after divorce. They brought me to the gym for an hour every day while my parents babysat for my children. Our initial goal was for me to have a revenge body so that Eddie would realize what he lost. But the more I saw the positive results, the more I geared towards improving my body for myself.

It was too early for me to think of finding a new man, but I allowed my friends to drag me to a bar at least once a week. They gave me a makeover, and for the first time after having kids, I felt like my old self again. Even my eldest child commented, “Mama, you’re so pretty.”

In The End

My divorce was merely finalized last week. As my friends expected, Eddie started acting nice to me again and trying to win me back when he saw me lose weight. However, I already knew better than to take him back.

Helping Your Spouse Get Over Pandemic Depression

A perfect relationship doesn’t exist in this world. So, do not expect your partner to be flawless and reasonable every day. With this pandemic situation, it is usual that your other half may experience anxiety, stress, and even depression. Thus, you must understand that battling mental illness is a daunting process. The person dealing with psychological issues needs care, love, support, and understanding even more. Instead of demanding a lot from your spouse and adding pressure to his already stressful pandemic life, allow yourself to become your other half’s reason for living.

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Patience And Understanding Can Go A Long Way

Mental illness like depression doesn’t always need a reason to strike. So if you found your partner depress and sad, you don’t always have to ask why. Because sometimes, you somehow already know the answer even if your partner does not. Depression can leave your other half in a blurry situation for hours. Sometimes it can last for days and weeks. When trying to figure out your other half’s depression, there is an emotional roller coaster that can happen at any moment. In some unfortunate instances, unwanted words can come out from your spouse’s mouth once an argument begins. It is also typical for your partner to become more sensitive and aloof at times.

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As a loving partner, you have to be patient and understand your spouse’s emotional and mental state. Show how much you care by just simply being there. Always prepare yourself for possible mood swings and unexpected outbursts. Do not take their reactions personally. Do not force your other half to become aware of everything because when a mental illness gets involved, understanding can be a little different from what you know. Do not expect much energy from your partner because depression is something that you can’t simply shrug off any time you want.

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Relationship And Mental Health

Depression can sabotage even the healthiest relationship. Sometimes, extreme pressure tends to push each other to fail. But that is not because of the couple’s inability to handle the situation. Instead, it is their lack of contribution to each other’s mental, physical, and emotional needs. Sometimes, a simple word and unusual behavior can trigger the other one’s irrational and impulsive response. That explains why there are times you tend to misinterpret your other half’s facial expressions, gestures, words, and reactions.

But to better understand the situation of the relationship, you need to acknowledge the effects of mental and emotional problems that weigh your partner down. It would be best if you respect your spouse’s boundaries because sometimes they need space. Avoid judging and basing your decisions on one or two mistakes your other half intentionally or unintentionally do. The way you see things is different from what your spouse is seeing. That is why you need to be more careful in choosing your words because you never know what the other person is dealing with emotionally and mentally.

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Love, Care, And Support

Nobody wants to deal with mental issues, especially during this time of the pandemic. But since here it is, there is no escaping it. So, to get by and move forward, you have to take the necessary actions to improve your relationship despite the pressure. Yes, the process is not going to be that easy, but as long as you believe there are tons of things you can do, you will make it. Find time to talk to your spouse about current thoughts and feelings and be open-minded about it. Because at the end of the day, you and your partner will have to deal with the pressure hand in hand together.

BetterHelp, an online platform, can also help you both in overcoming pressure. To know more about the site, you can read these honest reviews from satisfied couples who have used their services.

Marriage 101: Does COVID-19 Put Your Relationship At Risk?

For most people, this pandemic only causes emotional and mental distress. However, for others, this situation allows them to understand the kind of person they are living with entirely. In married couple’s lives, this pandemic situation makes them identify their entire marital issues. Because at this stage where both individuals are thrown together inside a house for 24/7, a lot of things can get a little rough. And sometimes, even the small error can lead to a different level of psychological and emotional torture.

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For some, this situation can be an excellent way to get to know each other better. For most married couples, they try to be as positive as possible. They live together and work on dealing with the pandemic as much as they can. However, we can’t deny that some couples don’t appreciate the struggle of this global crisis. That is especially when all they can focus on is the way the situation is crushing their relationship. These include their financial, health, communication, as well as child-management.

At some point, there are long-term marriages that somehow survive the potential risk for marital breakdown. Perhaps that is because of the stuff that both partners pretty much get used to dealing with over the years of living together. That even if they do not talk about it, both can merely agree not to make a big deal out of it. However, not all married couples are emotionally reliable to handle even the slightest error in the relationship. In some unfortunate instances, an unexpected trigger can do all the damage. That explains why married couples during this time struggle to stay connected.

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The Truth About This Situation And Married Life

Contrary to the idea that this Coronavirus outbreak brings couples together, well, it does not. At some point, it gives married individuals time to spend together and appreciate each other. But in reality, it does not support solving marital issues, especially when it gets related to previously unsolved ones. Yes, this pandemic situation gives time for married couples to reflect and evaluate themselves. However, it does not secure an intact realization in providing a solution to their already damaged marriage. At times, it can become evident that the end game for both individuals living with emotional and mental distress will be a signature over a divorce paper.

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The most significant problem and real issue that comes up for married couples in this time of the pandemic is the lack of emotional awareness. Yes, there is a lot of anxiety and stress nowadays, and if one partner cannot contain the emotion, it explodes. And when that happens, things can go down the pit when one cannot handle the emotional outburst. There are lots of complaints about this pandemic situation, and the mental struggle of both parties destroy couples. Soon, one or both of them will come to a point where there is no sense to care for anything anymore.

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Admittedly, there is no exact solution as to how couples could deal with marital issues regardless of being together 24/7. There is no guarantee either that if both of them agree onto something, it will fix the emotional and mental instability they have. That is despite them having the ability to save and patch things in their marriage. Yes, this pandemic situation stresses people up and ruins everything in their lives. Therefore, the aim of a definite goal should not end there. As long as both parties can openly discuss their flaws and weaknesses, the marriage might have a chance to survive the stress over this global health crisis.

I Am Worse Than My Partner (Setting Things Right)

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Most couples are good at the blame game.  My husband and I used to never run out of things or situation to blame each other. We just have a heaping pile of them, but then, I realized that it is not how we started in our relationship.  We used to be supportive, understanding and accepting of each other, especially when it came to our flaws.

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How Career Can Rob You Of Your Relationship

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When I was in school, my greatest desire was to always be on top of my class, and I was.   I started working and dreamt of being successful and was able to put up a business of my own which was the result of my hard work.  I finally decided to get married with the goal to make my relationship work by being the best wife and mother.   But things seem so hard to handle as many opportunities come up, robbing me of my time to focus on building a family.

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Reawaken The Passion In Your Relationship

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My husband and I have been married for 12 years now, and we have three kids.   From our very intimate relationship during the early stage of our marriage, we have grown to become just like ordinary friends (with benefits).  We communicate, but the topics we most talk about are the kids, our work, the bills, and only the common aspects of our zestless married life.

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