I Am Worse Than My Partner (Setting Things Right)

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Most couples are good at the blame game.  My husband and I used to never run out of things or situation to blame each other. We just have a heaping pile of them, but then, I realized that it is not how we started in our relationship.  We used to be supportive, understanding and accepting of each other, especially when it came to our flaws.

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How Career Can Rob You Of Your Relationship

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When I was in school, my greatest desire was to always be on top of my class, and I was.   I started working and dreamt of being successful and was able to put up a business of my own which was the result of my hard work.  I finally decided to get married with the goal to make my relationship work by being the best wife and mother.   But things seem so hard to handle as many opportunities come up, robbing me of my time to focus on building a family.

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Reawaken The Passion In Your Relationship

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My husband and I have been married for 12 years now, and we have three kids.   From our very intimate relationship during the early stage of our marriage, we have grown to become just like ordinary friends (with benefits).  We communicate, but the topics we most talk about are the kids, our work, the bills, and only the common aspects of our zestless married life.

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Why Insurance Is Important To Married Couples According To A Therapist  

All couples that enter the sanctity of matrimony or union by marriage seek the security of a lifetime. It involves two people, as partners, facing all the imminent hardships that they may endure during their lifetime together.  For these couples, all decisions are then talked about, unified to ensure the wellness of each individual in the marriage, their kids, and the marriage itself. As said by Catherine Aponte Psy.D.“An important part of the interactions between you and your spouse is the way in which you communicate thoughts, ideas, and feelings primarily through verbal communication. Your ability to verbally communicate with your spouse can significantly enhance the kind of relationship that will exist between the two of you.”

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Expert Recommendations On Healing Your Wounded Marriage

Getting back the life and love you’ve lost along the challenging road of marriage.

“When your marriage which you thought would stand the test of time ends, your heart understandably is broken. It’s normal to feel completely lost, afraid and all alone. It’s also natural to start wondering about when to date after divorce because you want the pain to go away,” says Alicia Clark PsyD.

Don’t you just detest going through a divorce? All those stressful meetings, the screaming, blaming, seemingly endless arguing that eventually lead to even more screaming, blatant cursing, and bickering until both parties are too exhausted to attack each other and just agree on signing those liberating documents – this is the usual scenario in divorce cases.

 

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Subtle Yet Meaningful Things That Healthy And Happy Couples Do

When nothing’s turning out right in your relationship, there are still a couple of little yet significant things that you can do to turn things around. Remembering that even if these steps are simple and small, these gestures will yield more meaningful moments in relationships as time passes by.

 

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Standing Up Against A Controlling Partner

 

Control is a demonstration of power or authority. To display control towards anybody, especially one’s partner, is a form of abuse. “Most people typically think of emotional abuse as one partner belittling or criticising the other. But emotional abuse is much more than verbal abuse. It can be defined as any nonphysical behaviour that aims to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish, or isolate another person,” says Krasi Kirova, registered psychologist. A lot of marriages crumble because the other half becomes obsessed with dominating the other to the point of feeling suffocated and imprisoned.

 

 

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Characteristics Of A Controlling Partner

 

To efficiently conclude that you are becoming a victim of a controlling partner, the first thing that you should do is to identify the following characteristics and behavior:

 

  • Insecure and over-possessive
  • Hovers incessantly
  • Suspicious
  • Disapproving of your thoughts and opinions on any matter especially parenting
  • Mostly creates the rules that should be strictly followed
  • Forces you to explain expenses; always requires a credible reason whenever you ask for money
  • Psychologically, verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive
  • Doesn’t include you in planning the future or in important decisions
  • Disregards your valid and useful contributions

 

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A controlling partner can also be a narcissist. “Some people just seem to be way too self-involved. They drive the rest of us crazy with their constant need to be admired,” says relationship doctor Stephen Snyder, MD.

Drawing The Line

 

If you notice that your better half is overly consumed with being in command all the time, there are ways to cease the behavior before it ruins the relationship.

 

  1. Communicate With Honesty

 

Without proper communication, the dominant partner will never acknowledge that he or she is controlling. Instead, the person will insist that it’s only a way of taking care of you and protecting you because that’s what a good partner should do. In a controller’s mind, the behavior has good intentions and is not meant to be suffocating in any way. Because of this thinking, your partner is not entirely aware that his or her behavior is controlling and possessive; though this is not a pertinent reason to push you around and take advantage of your affection and respect towards your significant other.

 

It is critical that you let your partner understand how you feel. Be honest by explaining your side. Furthermore, be patient if your partner still exhibits dominance after you’ve talked about the issue. Be forgiving and tolerant of your partner for as long as you can see that he or she is trying to change his or her demeanor. Bad habits take time to unlearn.

 

  1. Stop Submitting To Demands

 

One of the reasons why control continues in a relationship is because the other half is reluctant to refuse all the whims of the other half. When you think you’ve had enough, be adamant in telling your partner that you are no longer going to take the bullying and abuse. Whenever your partner demands explanations or details of your whereabouts, calmly tell your partner that you are not obliged to reveal everything since you have the right to your privacy.

 

  1. Stop Trying To Get Validation

 

If your partner has this habit of telling you that you are never going to be good enough to do anything, that is your partner’s mindset talking. At this point, there’s no use going through the loops just to acquire appreciation. Yearning for approval from your partner will only fuel his or her bad behavior and will just feed your partner’s ego to continue his or her sinister nature.

 

 

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Keep in mind that you do not deserve to be bossed around and bullied just because you love someone. Being in a relationship should be sufficient reason to carry the weight of an abusive partner. You are worthy of affection and respect; therefore, stand your ground and spill it all out. If your partner refuses to change, there’s no shame in closing the book of your relationship and move on.

You must also seek help, if necessary, say with a therapist or a counselor. “Many folks worry that going to therapy means they’re “crazy” or “out of control.” In reality, people go to therapy for all sorts of reasons: personal growth, coaching through a rough patch, to get a neutral outside perspective, to optimize their life, to change a habit, and many more. Most importantly, they go because they want to make a change, but don’t know how to start,” says Ellen Hendriksen, PhD. This could be that change for you.